A recent article in a national newspaper magazine got me thinking about the challenges inherent in overcoming difficult life circumstances that involve loss or adjustment to changed ways of living or being. The article was not focussed on emotional wellbeing, psychology or mental health challenges, and yet it spoke to constructs that are pivotal and central to the journey those adjusting to loss or change face.
My clients often come to therapy because they are struggling to live a fulfilling, meaningful, valued life in the face of loss. The loss they have encountered might be of a loved one, of abilities or identity as a result of a health condition or event, or of a way of life as a result of unexpected circumstances. When something happens which changes the course of ones life, we understandably question the fairness of the circumstances, and we might find ourselves comparing our life to the lives of others who have not faced similar challenges, or to the life we led before our circumstances changed. Feelings of shock, anger, sadness and despair abound.
What helps people to overcome the overwhelming emotions that are inherent in this kind of experience? Psychological theory would say that finding a way to understand and accept the emotions, including learning strategies to regulate, respond and work alongside them will help. In addition finding a way to continue leading a life that matters to us, and as part of that working out what that actually means, is also indicated.
Some of this boils down to accepting that the world and the life that we lead in it is not equal or fair. Difficult things happen to most people. Deserving people are dealt terrible hands. Positive mental wellbeing ensues when we can accept and accommodate that knowledge. There might not be justice, but there can always be peace.
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